click to watch the adorable e-card Kim sent to her sister

I have a difficult time remembering important events like birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries. It’s a failing that bothers me greatly and probably bothers the people who are important to me even more. And it’s not just carelessness. I’m convinced that in this one area I have a yet-to-be diagnosed dyslexia–a simple failing of normal brain function, nothing personal.

Take my sister’s birthday for example–it’s today, and it’s not like I forgot about it. Not exactly. Back at the beginning of June I thought, “Oh, it’s June. Lesley’s birthday is at the end of the month.” Then later in the month I thought about it again. “Hmm, I should get a card.” I looked over the paper cards at CVS. Dismayed at the cheesiness of all of them, I decided to look again at a different store, which I never remembered to do. Anyway, today I woke up and thought, “Yikes, it’s the 28th and I never sent a card.” So I decided to look for an e-card (what else could I do?)

The last time I sent an e-card was for my mother’s birthday (which I forgot about entirely. Yes, I know, very bad daughter.) Anyway, it took me a long time to find a decent e-card because I had this idea that e-cards should be free. After a long search, I found a good one, but it wasn’t entirely free. Sending that “free” e-card signed me up for a relentless and impossible to get rid of mailing list that still plagues me twice a week.

So this morning I relented and took a look at the premium Hallmark e-cards. I was surprised and excited to find tons of stuff that I liked. Unlike the dismal sentiments paper cards proffer (they range from mildly offensive humor to sickly sweet poetry), the e-cards offered something more contemporary and relevant. They are funny yet tasteful, and they are extremely entertaining. After browsing their offerings, I concluded that e-cards had gotten better, much better, than paper cards. So I signed up for a one-year subscription. For only $9.99 I can send as many e-cards as I want. This is an amazing savings since nowadays, a nice paper card costs about $4.00, and a really nice card can cost as much at $7.00.

But the biggest benefit for me isn’t the cost savings, it’s this little gem:

Hallmark's e-card organizer

While I’m quite disciplined about the way I structure my time for my freelance gigs, I sometimes lose steam when it comes to writing in my “non-work” hours. I would much rather go out and do fun things with my friends, especially if they are performing or having art or film openings. Often, the last thing I want to do is sit around and write more after writing all day, even if it is the thing that I most deeply do want to do.

“No human activity I know of takes more time than writing…. Of necessity the writer is unlike those of [her] friends who quit work at five,” wrote John Gardener in On Becoming a Novelist. For me, it’s a conundrum, and it always has been since I realized I was a writer. I try to strategize so that I have time to write and time to relax. But I like being social. I enjoy going out. I love spending time with friends and having long and involved conversations while eating and drinking, perusing galleries, or hanging out at the beach. But I have (I’m told by my friends) more friends than the average person. More friends = more temptations invitations to choose play over work.

That’s why I’ve put a moratorium on new friendships. This might sound obnoxious to anyone who doesn’t know me, but to anyone who does – and anyone who has teased me about inviting only my “closest” 200 friends to a dinner party (you know who you are) – this assertion just makes them laugh. The thing is, I make friends easily. If I had a superpower, that’d be it. But in recent years, I’ve also been troubled by this because there simply isn’t enough time in my day/week/month/year/life to cultivate meaningful relationships with all of these people that I’m intrigued by and interested in.

In lieu of spending time with new friends, I am trying to dedicate more quality time to my inner circle of friends – engaging with each of them, one on one, and hosting more intimate gatherings at home. I am still meeting up with my other friends and acquaintances, but less often. However, I have found that social networking – Facebook, in particular – makes it easy for me to be a well-informed – if somewhat lazy – friend to many of the other people I care about. (By the way, I have not put a moratorium on new Facebook friends: http://www.facebook.com/jenlaskey)

Finally, I am saying NO more often. I decline invitations to do all sorts of fun things and I’m getting better at refusing to take on other people’s projects when they’re going to take time away from my own. And other than feeling a little bit of initial guilt about disappointing my friends in these circumstances, I believe I’m making progress. Plus, it makes me extra committed to using my personal time as wisely as possible, so I don’t regret missing out on those other opportunities.

The older I get, the more precious my time is to me – especially when I have a novel and a cookbook and several blogs to tend to. Sometimes I do end up just staring at my computer for hours, typing out a few sentences here and there, and then deleting them, dissatisfied. But usually, I get at least a little something that pleases me. Even if the words don’t culminate in exactly the way that I want them to, they are mine – fruits of my labor and solitude.