The media tends to portray fathers as bumblers in the domestic sphere (Ray Romano), or as sexist buffoons declaring domestic chores to be “woman’s work,” (Archie Bunker), or as hyper-successful patriarchs, too busy with “important stuff” to do much around the house (JR Ewing, Tony Soprano). Except for grilling meat on the barbecue, men seem doomed by our collective expectations, to feel conflicted about participating in day-to-day home life. This is bad for everyone, especially kids.

Father’s Day gift ideas underscore this rejection of domestic life. Common Father’s Day gift suggestions include: golf paraphernalia, neckties, barbecue tools, electronic gadgets, and booze. None of the activities associated with these gifts (barbecue tools excepted) result in family time. The commercial sentiment is that a father is someone who is fulfilled and happy when he is at work, in the bar, on the links, or working with his gadgets. In other words – not with his family.

This is a problem because dads are as essential as moms when it comes to child rearing. Research is starting to show just how big a role their involvement plays in their kids’ long-term success and happiness. And highly involved parenting isn’t just good for kids, it’s good for dads. Jeremy Adam Smith’s fascinating post, The Astonishing Science of Father Involvement, explains how the male brain actually changes in response to fatherhood. Dad’s noggin sorta re-wires and gets smarter in proportion to how much time he spends with his child.

Surprise gift - wrapped in stripes and decorated with googly eyes and a smiley face.

Suzanne Braun Levine’s book, Father Courage: What Happens When Men Put Family First explores the broader implications of this new kind of fatherhood. Here’s how Publisher’s Weekly summarizes her book:

“It is all of a piece, the entry of women into the workplace and the integration of men into the family.” Many fathers in this “transition generation” feel they face their difficulties alone and are surprised to find how many others are like them. From the birth experience at the hospital through the early months of parenthood and beyond, men often receive conflicting messages from society that encourage them to be supportive but not to get too closely involved in the dailiness of raising children. Women, too, are often unwilling to “relinquish the mystical powers attributed to motherhood” that is for many the only power they have. Levine also contends that a double standard in the workplace favors women who need to take time to be with their families but discourages men from putting family first. Writing at the “equity frontier” of “family politics,” Levine provides a useful sourcebook for would-be revolutionaries and makes an eloquent plea for more public conversation about private pressures.

I’ll end this post with a big thank you to my husband, an amazing father, who worked at home for the first year of our son’s life, who displays superhuman patience, and who shares the chores 50/50 except when he’s doing really important stuff, (just kidding he always pitches in). Here’s a preview of some of the treats we have planned for tomorrow. Pancakes and a long bike ride are also on the agenda. Happy Father’s Day!

If you have a fireplace, I encourage you to rediscover it. Light a fire and experience these “priceless” benefits for yourself.

Alone time by the fire becomes time to recharge. Read a book, update your blog, or take a nap. The fire adds a bonus “relaxation factor” to everything. Staring into the flames can be a rejuvenating meditation.

Family time goes from routine to magical. A game of “go fish” or “trivial pursuit” played next to the fire is suddenly an event. A bowl of popcorn, and a favorite movie by the firelight make the home box office a hundred times more satisfying than the theatre.

Entertaining next to a crackling fire adds a feeling of luxury and old-world charm that makes guests feel pampered. Keep a robust fire burning in the hearth and watch how the attitude of your get-together changes from “we can’t afford to go out” to “why would we even want to go out?”

So if your budget demands that you spend more time at home, rediscover your fireplace. It will transform your home into a luxurious, relaxing, magical place to spend an evening.